Breaking up with someone can be one of the worst experiences on earth. Your stomach is in knots. You cry uncontrollably. Your hand suddenly develops a certain magnetic attraction to your telephone, making you want to call him or her back to reconsider. Food becomes tasteless and nights become barren wastelands of insomnia. Heartbreak can be absolute torture.
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But here is something that you haven’t heard. Relationship breakups can be beautiful, transforming experiences. Also pain is usually good for you. Not the kind of pain that comes about through men abusing women or women who hit men. I'm talking about emotional pain.The kind of pain that lets you know when something is wrong.
Many people don’t realize the beauty that can come from a breakup. Although your nights may be filled with varying degrees of pain, what often emerges is something so beautiful that most people can barely remember even going through the situation. You often emerge a stronger, wiser, and more emotionally organized person no matter what the experience. The pain of a breakup is almost like being wrapped in a dark cocoon that pinches and pulls at your soul. Eventually you emerge with wings so strong and beautiful that you literally glow with confidence as you fly free into the warm wind of life. Be happy that you’ve been hurt. You now have a point of reference.
Here are the ways in which pain is good for you:
1. Independence: Like it or not, through the pain of a breakup you learn how to depend on you. Sometimes it’s through your control or it’s through the fact that someone has ended a relationship with you. But regardless of how it’s administered, the pain teaches you that you are responsible for your happiness and you need to learn how to sooth yourself.
2. Emotional Release: People cry all of the time. But unfortunately as time goes on and you become older you cry less and less. Some people are up to 20 years of no crying. With that amount of time passing sometimes you need a little push to help you release those emotions. Crying is good for the soul so let it out! Use your relationship breakup as an opportunity to do a little bit of “Spring Cleaning” in the emotions department. Get in a room and let it flow. Get verbal about it if you have to. Yell and scream. But let the tears cover your pillow like spring rain. You need your tears to water the ground of your future. Grow from the experience. After you’re done you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.
3. Correction: Pain is the body’s way of letting you know something isn’t right. You may have been in an unhealthy relationship that was one-sided. Maybe you lost part of yourself and you need to find that person again. A breakup is a natural process that allows you to take stock of who you are as a person and make the necessary corrections. It’s an emotional recalibration. A breakup is 100% information. It tells you what you want and don’t want. It tells you who you want to be. It tells you what feels good and what hurts. Don’t avoid that. Take it all in. You need it all if you want to get better in your future relationships.
Strength: I know most people feel so weak that they hardly have energy to raise their heads from their pillows. But that’s in the short-term. A breakup gives you strength. Think about it. Have you ever just sat in your room without any form of entertainment? Take away the television, the music and the books and what do you have? Yourself. Just you. A breakup is a process that forces that same isolation upon you. That’s really all it is. Silence. And from that silence you become stronger. When there are no distractions around you search deep within your mind and body for an assessment of what went wrong. This process of soul-searching makes you much stronger because in the process of finding what went wrong, you also find good things. You find forgiveness, respect, and understanding. And those elements all contribute to making you strong for your next relationship.
5. Future Success: Whether you know it or not, that failed relationship will be your springboard into your new relationship. Call it growth. You can’t learn how to love if you don’t have some mistakes along the way. You learn from failing. A successful relationship is the roof on a house built of mistakes. There are very few “happy” people that can say that they have only had one relationship. Trust me. You are in a lot of company when it comes to failed relationships. Take it with pride and realize that you’re just building. Don’t let a failed relationship get you down. Use it to move your life into a new phase of intelligence and understanding.