Thursday, April 24, 2014

Why Men Cheat With Ugly Women

You’ve always suspected that he was cheating. The signs were there. It started with the late night meetings and then moved to the middle of the night phone calls. Next your romantic life decreased followed by his strange new attraction to social media. All of the symptoms were there. You just didn’t want to believe it.

So tonight you and your girls are sitting in the parking lot of a hotel, waiting for him to exit. All 3 of you sit in wait like FBI agents ready to bust a suspected criminal.  It’s his fault that you found out about his plans for tonight. He left his cell phone at home. You were about to call him at his office number to inform him of his mistake when the text message came through. And so his secret was revealed.
Image courtesy of marin /

 As he exits the hotel you and your girlfriends hop out of the car and confront them. You can’t believe your eyes. The girl he’s with is the ugliest woman you've ever imagined. How could he choose someone like her? She’s the exact opposite of everything you are. You’re thin, she’s big. You have short hair, her hair is long. You’re short, she’s tall. 

Infidelity is very difficult to deal with for men and women. The act of a partner cheating is often something that is rarely expected and throws you into a pool of doubt. But why does it seem like some men cheat with the most unattractive people on earth? It’s as though these men picked the most frighteningly ugly women from a horror movie. The women seem to be so unpolished and possess zero class (in your eyes). Why would a man give up a steak dinner for a cheese burger?  What is wrong with these men? Can’t they see the discrepancies in these bad choices?

To understand why your man ran off with the woman you perceive to be Medusa, there are 2 things you need to do before you even begin to analyze his behavior:  

1.       Check Your Ego: If you’re one of those women that goes around assigning beautiful and ugly licenses, I hate to break the news to you but you’re ugly to someone too. Check your ego at the door and realize that beautiful or not, the woman was powerful enough to get your man. And while she may or may not have known about your man being in a relationship with you, it still doesn’t erase the fact that he’s been unfaithful.

2.       Stay Focused: Whether the woman is attractive or not, your man has wronged you. Although you may have played a part in the breakdown of communication, your man is responsible for taking the physical steps in being unfaithful. Don’t get sidetracked by the woman. She’s peripheral. Stay focused on him and yourself.

Once you have those 2 rules firmly in place you can look at the situation without letting your head explode. Okay people. Are you ready for the truth? Can you handle it without dropping your coffee? Here we go.

1.       Moral Flaws: When it comes to honesty, loyalty and trust, some men are just weak. And those weaknesses are frequently accepted. But the thing that most women don’t want to realize is that those flaws have always been there. He’s weak today, just as he was weak yesterday. So what does that say about some women’s decision making skills? Some of you just chose to overlook that weakness or thought you could change him. Think about it. How many times has your man lied about where he was going or what he was doing? How many times did you give him a “Get out of Jail Free” card and allowed him to go about his business with no consequence? Those lies were little flags that let you know he had issues. Yes, he’s always had those issues and you chose to ignore them.

2.       Communication Breakdown: Ladies, here’s the thing… Most of you don’t know your man. That’s mostly his fault, but a portion of that blame can be placed on you. You have no idea of what starts his fires or what keeps them burning. You assume that all men are turned on by the same things. Guess what? They're not. Digging into a man’s mind is a little scary. It can be a dark and dangerous place where the most outlandish and disgusting fantasies exist. But if you truly want your relationship to be successful, you have to do the work. A lot of women are telling themselves that their man is thoroughly satisfied with the relationship, but haven’t taken one single second to ask him about what he’s attracted to. Arrogantly, you assume his attraction is you. But you have no idea of what turns him on. Not really.

3.       He’s Just an idiot: This is probably the biggest reason for his behavior. He just doesn’t care about hurting you and only cares about himself. He’s an idiot. Face it. There are more idiots in our society than thoughtful people. Just look at the divorce rate.

4.       You’re not what he wants: Some men use women as trophy pieces. That’s pretty messed up but it’s true. They want the kind of woman that the public views as beautiful. That blame falls squarely on the man and him not being strong enough to walk his own path. But you’re the victim. Maybe you fall into that category. And so, you’re a toy to him.  Now that’s not to say that you aren’t a beautiful person within and that there isn’t more to you than meets the eye. But maybe he doesn’t really want you. And he’ll lie to himself or let his boys hype him up to stay in a relationship with you, even though he knows you’re not what he wants. 

5.       You’ve forgotten what beautiful is:  Yes, this one is a possibility too. Sometimes men and women get caught up in "keeping up with the Joneses". They start to become trendy. They watch reality shows and the TV commercials and start living those fantasies. And slowly but surely, those superficial things creep into your life. The next thing you know you’re buying a new purse because you saw someone wearing it on a show.
Image courtesy of photostock /

Meanwhile, your man will creep and get that “jump off” chick on the side. Why? Because he knows and you know that the most attractive women in the world are REGULAR WOMEN. Not in the way of class and access, but in the way of behavior and conversation. He knows that makeup and trendy clothing aside, personality is what truly counts. And some women just have it backwards. Physical beauty has an expiration date of 10 to 15 years from the age of 25. After that, your looks deteriorate. If all you have is your looks, you won't keep your man. He knows that all of the Beyonces in the world can’t measure up to that one girl Kimberly that works at the department store. When it comes down to relating to the average dude, he knows that a truck load full of Angelina Jolies can’t measure up to that one woman Lydia that works in the dental office. And that’s just real. Maybe that relatable personality that he seeks has gotten lost in translation. Maybe now you seem like more of a diva and less of a friend.

These are a few reasons your man has gone off and gotten someone you may consider unattractive. Trust me, there can be many other reasons. All of the blame lies on the man and his decision to make that move. Don’t blame yourself. But if you’re looking for a few reasons to get you started on your research, you can start with these issues. Some of them may not apply to why he’s behaving like that. But at least one reason will ring true.