Friday, October 2, 2015

5 Ways Interracial Couples Can Minimize Stress

Being in an interracial relationship is very exciting. There are so many different experiences that the two of you share that you feel like you’re on a constant quest for knowledge. You learn about the beautiful aspects of one another’s culture.
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You begin to see that although you do have quite a few things that are different, that those differences are really not as high pitched as society would have you believe. In fact, you quickly discover that almost all cultures live the same way. We all experience success, failure, heartache and depression on the same levels. You learn that sometimes society likes to be more about the comfort of others than the reality of life.

But there is one aspect of interracial relationships that people rarely talk about.


If you’re in an interracial relationship you wear the security guard uniform more often than you want to admit. You are constantly on alert. You’re not necessarily looking for negativity within your partner but you’re on alert to ensure that the smooth flow of learning continues without offense or hurt feelings. You have to be. If you really care for a person the last thing you want to do is hurt them over some stuff you subconsciously learned from your racist uncle when you were 5. It’s just good to always be truthful about your past, your exposure and how those teachings could subconsciously creep out and affect your interracial relationship. So, you are constantly on alert and vigilant; mindful of those prejudices that you subconsciously learned and are trying to dispose of. And while most people in interracial relationships won’t admit it, there is an alertness that you develop to make sure your partner doesn’t bring any of their subconscious junk into your life either.

But you also need to be honest. You can get tired of always waving the interracial flag. Sometimes you just want to argue without the filters. If your lover is behaving like an idiot, you want the ability to call him or her an idiot without them (or sometimes you) searching for the racial overtones within the delivery of the insult.
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Sometimes if you hear a song on the radio you just want the ability to sing the words as they were intended (I’m thinking hip hop) without having the interracial police lock you up for insensitivity.

And what about going out in public? I don’t care who you are or what type of interracial relationship you’re in, you’re going to think about public perception every single time you go out. Oh, I know there are those that say, “I could care less about what others think”, but that type of comment is almost always a lie. You’re in an interracial relationship so that in itself means you HAVE to think about what others think. Not because you want a poll taken about their approval, but instead you do have to worry about safety. Somebody might trip and say or do something to bring emotional or bodily harm to the person you care about. That is a whole new set of rules that you have to deal with.
So what can you do to relax yourself? What can you do to take some of the pins and needles out of your day to day and actually enjoy your interracial relationship? How can you lower your guard?

Here are 5 Ways Interracial Couples Can Minimize Stress:

1.       Be honest about the burnout: The best thing interracial couples can do to minimize the fatigue they will eventually feel is to speak honestly to one another about it. Don’t just start by complaining to your mate.
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That can come off as nagging or being unhappy with the decision you’ve made. Instead, talk about the moments in which you feel the least amount of stress. Accentuate the positive aspects. But always be honest.

2.       Set rules in the house: Failure to communicate is the cause of almost all relationship problems. It doesn’t matter what race you are. So have a burn free zone. Iron out all of your rules and then apply those rules. For instance, set a “complaint day” to air out all of your grievances. But make it fun. Give bonuses for guessing the grievance. The key is to talk and eliminate stress. Interracial couples need to understand that although they are of different ethnicities they are in the same battle together.

3.       Eliminate those things that make you stressed: If you know your mom is going to give your husband a hard time, avoid going there for a little while. Now I’m not telling you to go to visit your mom and leave your man at home. No. You need to present a unified front. But your mate will love and appreciate you more for seeing things through his lens and attempting to alleviate that stress.

4.       Connect with like-minded individuals: It may be helpful to meet other interracial couples and vibe about what problems they encounter. Although your mate is your best partner and is going through the struggle with you, you’d be surprised at how much stress you can take off of your mind just by hearing the struggles of others.
You and your mate are not alone. Sometimes it’s helpful for the both of you connect with other interracial couples to remember that.

5.       Exercise: Getting back to the basics always helps with burnout. Going to the gym and doing a couple of miles on the treadmill will definitely relieve the stress you feel.If a gym isn’t available you and your mate can jog around the neighborhood or burn some calories in the bedroom. Hey, sometimes you gotta use what you got….

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

5 Things That Men are Afraid Of

Men are often portrayed as invincible. From the moment we’re born we are expected to as tough as nails. If we fall, we’re expected to get up, brush off our wound and move forward with the mission.
Like it or not, our society places a hardened shell around the idea that a man should never cry, be vulnerable, and should be as adjustable to the brutal terrain as a jeep.
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So when a man collapses in front of his woman like a sack of potatoes and starts bawling, many women are shocked to see such a display. How can this be? Men are supposed to be the rocks of the family. Why is it that your man is now in desperate need of the same love and affection that you require on a daily basis?

The answer is simple: WE ARE NOT WHAT WE APPEAR TO BE.

Men often hide their emotions based on the perception of others.

“How will I look to my boys if I cry,” men often ask.

 I have become so frustrated with hearing this idiotic question being asked by men that I will often stand up and leave the room after it is said. Who really cares how your boys view you for having a moment of vulnerability? It’s not like you can’t go to their house and see the tear stains on their pillows just like any other man.  Yet, public perception continues to move men like puppets on a string. Meanwhile men are having emotional breakdowns, acting out violently, and losing jobs for failure to address their most basic need; to be human.

I am not an advocate for the supposed “sensitive” man. You know the kind of man that has bought in to the faux fantasy of what women “really” want.
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It is not my opinion that most women want men with pedicures and manicures instead of what they have. They don’t want men that cook dinner every night and write poetry for them every day (well…maybe they do but no woman I know wants that kind of man). The women I know just want a man that is consistently normal and reliable. They don’t mind showing the man a little freak in the bedroom as long as he is reliable in providing for the family and having a sense of morals in his daily life.

But I’m here to break the hardcore truth about the things that go bump in the night with men. If your man is so tough about himself that he won’t tell you what makes him afraid, then I’m here to spill the beans. I have no problems with lifting the veil off of his fakeness because it is what needs to be done. So with that being said, here are the 5 Things That Men are Afraid of:

1.       Loneliness: Even the toughest man in the world is afraid to be alone. We are born alone.
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We die alone. It is the primary reason that men and women are afraid of the dark. Colors are not frightening. But removing all that is familiar and leaving a person to deal with just themselves is a serious challenge.

2.       Infidelity: This even frightens me. Imagine your woman in bed with another man. Imagine her doing all of the things that she does to you, to another man. Imagine all of the whispers and moans. Imagine the things that turn you on being done to another man.
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Isn’t that a scary thought? Some women have to go through that all of the time with the average man. But if you ask a man if he could go through infidelity, he undoubtedly will say that he couldn’t even stomach the thought. It’s man’s most frightening thought because it takes away all of our macho nonsense and replaces it with pure pain. And given that situation, most men resort to behaving like gorillas because they haven’t been taught how to manage their emotions.

3.       Job Loss: Some things never change about men. And sometimes above all the male wants to be perceived as the reliable source of support for his family. Take away his job and you’re going to see some seriously crazy stuff. Your man will either become massively depressed, jealous of your success, or abusive. It’s not a nice thing to see a man without a job. It’s downright scary if you ask me.

4.       Pregnancy: You know what it says to your man when he hears the words, “I’m pregnant”? It instantly says that he has to grow up and accept responsibility. Depending on what phase of his life he’s in, some men may not take the news too well.
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Some go out and instantly get drunk. Others go to the store to and blow half of their life’s saving on computer hardware for a kid that hasn’t even been in the womb for 3 months! And other men will go out and smash other women (as if that’s going to make the situation any better).

5.       Marriage: Many men freak out when they believe the man-cave will be invaded by pink prints. It signals that the bachelor life is about to disappear. Many men start to think of all of the girls that they’ll never be able to date because of marriage (which they’d probably never be able to date regardless of marital status).