Sunday, November 1, 2015

Sorry, I Don't Date Black Guys

There is only one acceptable form of discrimination when it comes to life: You have every right to choose who you want or don’t want to be in a relationship with. No one can tell you who to spend your life with. Your life belongs to you and only you. And that is the way it is.

But there is a certain type of woman and man that exists in our society that uses stereotypes as a disqualifier for romance. We’ve all heard their words before:

“Sorry, I don’t date Black Guys.”


“Sorry, I don’t date White dudes.”


“Sorry, I don’t date Middle Eastern dudes.”


“Sorry, I don’t date Hispanics.”


“Sorry, I don’t date Asians.”

It doesn’t matter what culture you’re a part of, you know this person.
Photo courtesy of
They’re the ones you find at frat parties who have no problem with dancing to a Kanye West song but will instantly slap you with denial if you possess too much melatonin or don’t have enough or whatever. They haven’t dated anyone other than their own race but they're 100% sure of what turns them on and what turns them off. Whatever their romantic options are you’re too White or too Black and you don’t fit the mold of what they’re after.

You can’t knock a person for choosing whatever ignites their fire. Sexuality is a complex thing. What turns on one person might not turn on another. But the problem with people who think like this is they don’t have experience enough to know what they like and what they don’t. They only utilize what’s at arm’s length; a girlfriend or a twisted uncle who has reservations against a certain race based on generalizations and blatant racism, to avoid romantic involvement with a different race.

Take a friend of mine for instance…

She’s an African American sister who’s progressive, down to earth and is well-rounded when it comes to her travels on this earth.
Photo courtesy of
One day we were discussing dating a person from another race and she said the following:

“I just don’t think I could date a White guy. I don’t have anything against who they are as people, but what they did to my ancestors? I feel as though that would be a slap in the face.”

While I can “kinda” see her point, it’s completely stupid when presented in today’s society. It is absolutely wrong to condemn anyone based on the actions of another. Black people have felt and continue to feel the effects of slavery but that doesn’t mean that you need to lump everyone into one category. Most of the people living in America are immigrants just as we all are and are not 100% anything. So to judge someone based solely on appearance can be a grossly inaccurate thing to do.

A friend of mine, Meadow, has flat out told me that she refuses to date Black guys.

“I have plenty of Black friends but when it comes to dating, if I were to bring home a Black guy my parents would kill me,” she admitted.

 I couldn’t really hate on her for having that position. Some people want to do all they can to make their mothers and fathers happy.
Photo courtesy of
But there comes a point in your life when you have to seriously question what loving someone based on another person’s opinions does for your overall happiness.
So with all of these reasons for denying loving people of different colors and cultures floating around, what are the primary reasons for people using these weak defenses?

Here are 5 Reasons People Don’t Want to Date Outside Their Race:

1.       Fear of what others will think: Children go to college and choose jobs for their whole lives based on what mommy and daddy want. What makes you think they would do anything less when it comes to love? Parents are a powerful influence in their children’s lives. But it doesn’t stop there. Friends have these built up stereotypes of what people are and often impress those beliefs upon others. Peer pressure is serious. So if you choose to date someone outside of what that particular group of friends may like, you’ll be expelled and rumors will be created.

2.       Sexual stereotypes: Certain stereotypes are the MAIN reason some people WANT to sleep with someone of a different race. But it can also cut the opposite direction.
Photo courtesy of
Sexual stereotypes can create unfounded fears that prevent some from interacting with a certain race on a romantic level. Stereotypes are based on a small amount of truth. But when applied to a large group of people stereotypes get shredded by reality. No one could possibly know what’s in EVERYONE’S PANTS IN EVERY RACE. It’s just not logical.

3.       Fear to engage: When it comes to interacting with different cultures most people are just too inexperienced to know how to speak about their interest. They’re afraid they’ll say something stupid and mess things up. But that’s just it. At the base of all interaction we are all just idiots. Talking to one girl or guy is no different when it comes to race. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there. No matter what, you have to play if you want to win or lose.

4.       Confrontation: I know we’re supposed to be living in a different century with a different set of beliefs but sometimes we’re not. When a person chooses a certain person from another race, often others within that other race will give a lot of drama.

Some may be cold when you go out in public.
Photo courtesy of
Others may call you names like “sell-out” to disparage you for your choice.  And there may be others more blatant with their disrespect who will try to start physical confrontations based on your choice. It’s a sad fact but it happens.

5.       Children: Choosing to date outside of your race is one thing but a lot of people have a reasonable amount of fear surrounding the rearing of children conceived during that relationship and how society will accept them. While times are changing so quickly, racial tensions can be felt in varying degrees depending on your region.
Photo courtesy of
What is done in one location may not be acceptable in another. And if you’re ultimately aiming to have a family with the one you love you do have to take the child’s safety and their ability to learn within a healthy environment as a major factor.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Ways To Avoid Financial Problems in Your Relationship

Some people just need to shop. It’s just one of the things that dominate their lives. Like some men salivate at the thought of the Super Bowl, they wait for sales with equal fervor; counting down with each marking on the calendar and forming large groups to wait out the long sales lines.
Photo courtesy of
 Walking into a mall and seeing a sale sign is akin to an orgasm for them. You can literally see the extra pep they put in their step just to make it to the store entrance. They risk their jobs by leaving work early to avoid the traffic just to get to the sale. They will plan around their child’s soccer practice (or make the child miss it outright) just to get there. It’s that serious to them. If you’re a little old lady please use caution when shopping with these wolves. They will literally knock you down just to get to what they want. If you’re pregnant bring your husband as a bodyguard. The sympathetic look and the “I’m 8 months pregnant” excuse will do nothing to protect you from these kinds of shoppers. They’re violent. They’re relentless. If you put a price tag on a lollie-pop they would snatch it from whatever child was holding it.

Being married to a person who belongs to this wild pack is absolutely impossible. Not only do you miss countless dinners due to the Winter Event at the local boutique, you’re forced to know the name and brand of TV dinners like a pro because your lover will surely give you the shaft with multiple dinner nights. Your children will adopt the habit of going specifically to you for advice due to the absence of said shopping monster.

And then the money issues appear…
 It will begin like this: First your wife will come home with shopping bags.
Photo courtesy of
They’ll be one or two at first. But then you’ll notice that the recycle bin is getting more filled and closet space is diminishing. You’ll make a small comment about the shopping at which point you will receive a gift from your wife that will probably be some shoes that were “on sale” or a video game. You’ll think, “How thoughtful of my wife to think of me.” Don’t worry. That feeling is a smoke screen to blind you from the true sales activities going on. This will temporarily dull your suspicion.

Soon she’ll ask if it’s okay to use your credit card. Her card is maxed because she had to blah…blah…blah…

You’ll give her your card and things escalate from there. Next thing you know she’s telling you that you should get a limit increase because,

“You never know when we might have an emergency.” It’ll sound reasonable enough so you’ll do it.

And then the debt enters….

It will start out innocently enough with a late notice on a credit card bill. No biggie. You yourself have been late on a bill once or twice.
Photo courtesy of
But then the cell phones will stop working because someone “forgot” to pay the bill. Next you’ll get that electricity bill with the big red letters on it, threatening to cut off the service. Then you’ll look at your bank statement and notice the absence of $70 dollars. You’ll call the bank to investigate and they’ll explain that 2 of your checks were returned due to non-sufficient funds activity. You’ll hold an emergency house meeting with your wife to clean up the situation. Assurances will be made and promises will be spoken. She will assure you that it won’t happen again.

“They’re just check book slip ups,” is how she’ll describe the mistakes. You’ll take her at her word (because that’s what husbands do) and decide to move on. For two months you’ll be broke because you’ve had to clean up her mistakes. Fine. You have to do what you have to do. After the cleanup things will go back to some level or normalcy until…. the… very… next… month….

 Without warning your phone will start to ring. Instead of you receiving a call from your mother and father requesting your appearance at Sunday dinner, you will get a phone call from a “Richard” at XYZ Collection Agency. Turns out that when your wife promised you that she would pay the credit card bill, the local department store had a killer buy one, get the second one for free shoe sale that she absolutely did not want to miss. Angry but helpless, you give Richard your “other” credit card to make a payment for the one in arrears.


That one phone call will morph into 3, 4, and 5 per day. Somehow they’ll get the phone number to your job and start calling your direct extension.
Photo courtesy of
One day they’ll even speak to others in your office and let them know (without letting them know) that you don’t pay your bills on time.  You’ll feel as though sooner or later the credit card companies will send some thugs to your house to collect what you owe. You’ll try to consolidate all of the credit cards into one large card but you’ll get turned down due to…. OVEREXTENDED CREDIT!

And so it will go until you file for…. BANKRUPTCY!

This hasn’t happened to me personally but I know plenty of people it did happen to. Some people just don’t have the discipline to say no to the shopping monster living under the same roof. They’ll accept lame excuses, half-baked reasons, and God awful lies because they are in love and would never suspect that their loved one would hurt them.

So what do you do if you live with someone like this? How do you protect your family from the shopping monster?

Here are 5 Ways to Avoid Financial Problems in Your Relationship:

1.       Set a budget and stick to it: I know this one seems so common sense but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t have a budget. And there actually are people that set a budget but end up ignoring it until a financial crisis happens. Don’t be that stupid. Set a budget and stick to it.

2.       Don’t lend your credit card: I can hear people now, “But marriage is supposed to be about sharing everything…” Sure it is. Until your husband or wife goes out and does something childish and leaves you with a debt so big it’ll take 10 years for you to repay. I don’t think it’s a good idea to even share credit. If he or she needs something, go out and buy it for them with your card if you want to. But never surrender your card.

3.       Do weekly reconciliations: At the end of every week the two of you should have all receipts and do a formal accounting of your debt. If one person went above what they were supposed to spend for that week have them return whatever they purchased. It’s not personal. It’s about the financial health of the family. If you spent more than what you should’ve, you need to get that money back.

4.       Don’t stop shopping completely: Shopping can be like drugs sometimes. If you take it away completely it might spur a bout of shopping that creates a bigger problem than anything you’ve ever had. Don’t stop shopping totally. Set aside a budget for shopping on things you like. But don’t go beyond that. Shopping isn’t harmful if it’s targeted.

5.       Have separate bank accounts: I’ve never been the fan of having joint accounts. It’s stupid to me. You’re a lot financially if you have separate accounts because if something goes wrong with one account you have a second option. It’s also easier to buy gifts without having someone know the exact cost and where the present was purchased. But the biggest benefit is that you cannot be tripped up by the financial mistakes of another person.